What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
