i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize