I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
