two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
