I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
