Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
