party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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