Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
