I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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