oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
