the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
