I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
