He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
