Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
