It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I feel great
I just peed on a car
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
