he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
