imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
