i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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