I wish i was in the wii world.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
