I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
