I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
