I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
