I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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