I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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