so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
