Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
