Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
