dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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