Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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