You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
