I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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