matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yo dont text me then not text me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
