He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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