Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
