I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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