Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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