guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
do herpes really smell.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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