he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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