Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
