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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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