I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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