i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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