just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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