my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
