there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
