someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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