She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
