The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
