Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
