I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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