anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
