im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
