Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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