The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
and she was petting her beer can
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
