You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
