Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
