Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you had me at cake vodka
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
