I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
