I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
