I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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