Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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