i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
