in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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