White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
