I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
