my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
the liver wants what the liver wants
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
