so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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