so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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